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Archive for the ‘Grief’ Category

Are We Done With Grief Yet?

Posted on: February 22nd, 2022 by TouchStone Health

By Julie Robertson, Registered Social Worker, CCLS, MSW, RSW

Grief. We have heard that word a lot in the last two years. We have lost a lot, in many different ways, and we are all feeling it in some form or another. But what is grief exactly? What does it feel like and why keep bringing it up? Many people associate the word grief with death, and in essence it is a feeling that comes with the death of something, but not always with the death of a living being. Grief is our “responses to loss” whereas bereavement is more specific to the reaction to a death of a person (or pet), and both deserve recognition. Any type of loss is a significant event and our reactions to those losses are important to process and find support for. 

Right now, many of us have become used to what we are experiencing, we have learned to live with the ‘new normal’ that was talked about a lot in the beginning of the pandemic. That new normal though, has felt very uncertain at times. We have become used to the feeling of uncertainty, while at the same time longing for a return to something more stable. We miss the feeling of knowing what to expect each day, some miss jobs, some miss friends, activities, and some miss people that are no longer here. We mourn for those losses and even experience intense longing to have things back to how they were before. 

Mourning is also a term we hear with grief and can be explained as “the outward expression of our grief’”. For some, that is out loud and in the open, talking to people, sharing feelings, even weeping openly about how we are feeling. For others, mourning is done quietly and in private, with little for others to see about how we are feeling inside. And for many, the mourning comes out in hidden ways, angry or in denial that the feelings of discontent with how things have been are due to grief. The thing about grief and mourning, is that however it is coming up for you and however you do your grieving, it is all ok. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or to express your grief. It is ok to do the messy crying in your car, the single tear in line at the store, the nonstop talking about your loss, or the journaling poems in secret. Whatever you need to do to help cope with the feelings in healthy ways is how it needs to come out, but when we ignore or deny the grief it can come out in more destructive ways. 

But that brings up what are the healthy ways to cope? The first question I would recommend asking is what is it that I’m feeling? What do I need to do (or not do) to support whatever I’m feeling? Next, is it possible for me to do it? If not, what are my other options? For some, flying away on a week’s beach vacation may feel like the best thing to do, but not be possible. What is the next best thing? Maybe a short retreat closer to home, or a day off to turn up the furnace, put on some shorts and listen to beach music with a fresh fruit smoothy, and throw on some sunscreen for the full experience of the beach smell. For others it may be continuing with regular daily activity, nice and structured with everything certain and in its place to feel more comforting. Everyone has different needs when grieving and taking the time to recognize how you are feeling and what you need to do to support your needs can go a long way to manage the experience. I say manage and not fix, because the other thing about grief, is that you can’t fix it or make it go away no matter how hard you try. It has a way of sticking around until it is felt and processed. You can push it away, delay it until you have more time or feel safer to let it surface, but it doesn’t go away until it’s sure it’s moved through you. This is very often the most difficult part, to let the feelings come and have their place, be recognized, and be allowed to do what they need to do. Grief is painful. It can feel overwhelming. It can feel like waves are coming to swallow you and that they will never leave you alone. 

I am here to tell you that they will, the waves will get smaller, further apart, and eventually reduce back to a calmer surface. But also, to point out that grief often has a way of hiding itself away until we feel safe enough to feel it. As we move towards opening up again and regain more and more of “the normal” we were missing, those feelings may just pop up out of nowhere and surprise you. This is also normal and ok but can be shocking if you’re not expecting it. Finding support to get through those big waves, learning about the grief process and having someone to talk with to help find ways to cope, or even to just sit with you while the waves crash around can be very helpful to getting through the process. Whether your grief is related to a death or any other feelings of loss, or you are looking for help in supporting a child, family member or friend through grief, you are welcome to connect for a free consult about how I can help support you through your experience. https://touchstonehealth.ca/clinicians/julie-robertson-rsw/

Welcome Julie Robertson, Registered Social Worker to TouchStone Health!

Posted on: December 8th, 2021 by TouchStone Health

Starting in January 2022, Julie will be offering counselling and support to help clients cope with issues such as stress, anxiety, depression, grief, birth and fertility issues including NICU parenting, and parent coaching for those who are struggling with parenting higher needs children. Julie works from a trauma informed perspective and draws from a mix of counselling theories to create a unique treatment path based on individual experiences and goals. She is currently accepting adult clients for virtual sessions and is able to support parents and caregivers with issues related to children and youth.

To book an appointment or for a free 15 minute consultation go to: online booking

Showing Up Authentically

Posted on: May 22nd, 2020 by TouchStone Health

by: Dr. Amanda Cressman, N.D.

This post is looooong overdue.  It has been 10 weeks from today that I had been seeing patients in clinic when COVID-19 had changed our lives.

It’s been such an interesting time and for anyone who knows me, you know I love the word interesting as it is a great umbrella word for a variety of experiences.  What’s so bizarre and difficult to wrap my head around is the variance of experiences in the past 2.5 months.  How this virus can be life threatening to some and not to others, how the isolation has been horrendous for some and absolutely welcomed and enjoyable for others and the financial implications for so many people and businesses.  The only thread of consistency is that we are all connected in this, that this experience has affected us all and that among the variances, we are in it together.  We all know that life will never be quite the same hereafter- how businesses will run, how we interact with each other and ultimately how we perceive others.

With so much disruption, it is jarring, especially for those who are wired similarly to myself.

The reason I called this post Showing Up Authentically is that I ask people in my practice to do this.  I value authenticity and to ask it of others, which means I need to always ask it of myself….especially when it’s hard to do so.

When stress happens we often do one of three things.  We fight, we flee or we freeze.  My response when all this began was to fight.  My nervous system was spun.  Sleep was altered with the dreaded 3 am wakeup where my mind racing, the wired but tired feeling throughout the day was present, causing great levels of anxiety, the change in appetite and cravings were not great, to put it politely and the overall heaviness of this new and very unwelcome reality was felt.  But with time, the fight died off and the freeze took over, a feeling very new to me – numbness, fatigue, lack of motivation and deep sadness.  Collective grief was spoken about a lot in that time and was a great analysis of what we were all experiencing.

But like all things, there is a season, thank goodness there are seasons in nature and in life…as that fight and freeze response had passed to the present reality of acceptance and even finding joy with the changes that have come from all of this.

The point of this article is to remind you that you are not alone and that whatever season you are presently in – whether that be fear, joy, uncertainty, anger or ambivalence…you are not alone.  It’s been an honour to connect with people over the last few weeks and months, hearing their experiences, sharing in their story and supporting them…as it’s been really hard for many.  There is so much information out there, that many of us are in mental overdrive.  It’s hard to digest it all, knowing what to trust, wondering when things will change and how it will all look.  With all the mental chatter, it takes work and effort to connect with ourselves on an emotional level, really listening to what we need and giving space to feel it.  For me, as a health care practitioner, I’ve struggled with feeling some of these not so pleasant feelings and grateful to have given room for them to be felt.

Everything has a season and this has been one of the most bizarre seasons of my life.  I think many can relate to that.  The more we share, the more we open up about what is honestly going on in our lives, the more we remind others that we are in this together.  Showing up authentically is easy when things are great but not when things are tricky.  I hope however you are feeling, wherever you are at, that you are remembering your goodness, your worth and that you are not alone.

 

March Return & My Less-Than-Perfect Maternity Leave

Posted on: February 25th, 2020 by TouchStone Health

Written by: Dr. Melanie Reidl, N.D.

I’m feeling excited and energized about my return to Touchstone in March. After 6 months of maternity leave, it’s feeling right to step back into a career that brings me joy, challenges me, and allows me to help others.

In this post, I wanted to share a little bit about my time away from Touchstone. The honest truth about this maternity leave is that it’s been HARD. And it hasn’t been because of my beautiful baby girl, as you would expect it to be.  Since our sweet girl entered our lives in September, she has brought more joy, fulfillment, and love than we could have imagined. She’s literally been my sunshine on cloudy days.

Starting in November, my family was presented with several challenges and difficult news. In summary; Our family dog became very ill and we had to let him go, my grandfather’s cancer returned and he passed away, and I faced unexpected complications related to a past injury that required multiple visits to my orthopaedic surgeon, a surgery, and, during that time, left me extremely anxious about my health.

We’re all doing well now and I’m certain we’re through the worst of it. However during those difficult weeks I couldn’t help but wonder, ‘why is this happening?’ and ‘why all at once?’  Now that I’m through it, I feel that it was meant to be a test of my strength and resilience. It also forced my husband and I to work more as a team to care for our girls, to reach out for support from family, and to really APPRECIATE our blessings.

I am more grateful than ever to have my health, my two healthy babies, my husband, and my incredibly supportive family and friends.

I feel more motivated than ever to help you, my patients, through health (and life) challenges when I return to practice in March. If you’re currently facing a health challenge (or other life challenge), I am here for you, I will be present for you, and I will provide the most compassionate care that I can. 

Children’s Book for Grief

Posted on: May 20th, 2014 by TouchStone Health

When a good friend of mine went through the worst thing you could imagine happening to a parent, I wanted to help.  But what can be done or said in times like that?  When speaking with my friend, what I learned was that some of the most difficult moments in that time came from the words/actions from others.  Death makes us uncomfortable, difficult situations make us awkward.  Often we try our best fill that space with words, but they can be unhelpful and in some cases not appropriate.

It’s hard to know what to say or what to do when you can’t make a situation better…so I did what I knew I could and wrote a book.  The book was for their 3 year old son who was struggling with all that was.  The book was my love song to him and his parents…to let them know of all the things I would do if I could.

beeThe little boy is shown what would be done for him by various animals.  A rabbit would hop alongside him, helping him feel the freedom of jumping through the grass; an elephant would wrap his trunk around him, letting him feel the safety of his caress.  With each page, the boy is shown of all the wonderful things that would be done to show him love.  At the end of the book, you meet the person speaking…as she ponders what would she do or say to help him feel better.  She realizes, like I realized with this family, that sometimes all we can do is let them know we are thinking of them, that we love them and that we wish we could make it lighter.  Even if that can’t be done…we can share our love.

Conversations like this are not easy.  It’s hard, very hard.  But my hope is, is that this book opens up the discussion for how we support others when they are hurting.  Making the call, even if there are tears on the other end, is helpful.  Bringing over food/treats/gifts, even if you don’t know they will be useful is helpful.  But mostly just showing up, even if it’s awkward is often the greatest gift of all.

My hope is this book touches others they way it was intended and hopefully will help to continue the dialog of supporting others through grief or difficult situations.

If interested in purchasing this book, please visit the Children’s Book page for more information.

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